about chaos?
it caught up with me yesterday. started with a rattle, ended with a sob.
i cried for me and for maggie when i took two puppies to the vet for spay/neuter, knowing someone else would be picking them up at the end of the day and that we wouldn't see them again. one was sweet angelina, the little black bug of a pup that i'd half expected, half hoped, would be here forever. the other was bootsy, who happens to be a gentle little fellow despite his giant economy size body and personality. saying goodbye was more painful than i'd expected...and it took longer, as well. it's not worth the time to explain, but i wound up ping-ponging between home and shelter, vet and dentist in one of those endlessly frustrating scenarios that's no one's fault but rather, apparently, just the universe lined up in a way that seems designed to make you crazy. i didn't realize, cause i was so caught up in the moment and didn't have the broader perspective, but that little bumpy bit when things went a little wrong and a little wronger was the early warning thump of a full scale uh-oh-here-we-go, just crankin' up.
when i got home, i cried for poor little choc...the last lonely puppy. in two weeks he's gone from having 6 wrestlin' buddies, 6 runnin', tumblin', bitin', lickin', barkin', chasin', nappin', nursin' tug-o-war buddies, to having none. he was looking lost out there in the middle of the pen and on top of it all, i've been trying to wean them so he's missing his mama, too. i brought him out into the yard to run around with eloise and max, my rottencockers, hoping they'd tire him out before i had to head back to the vet with maggie for her pre-spay tune-up.
so here's the actual very same thought that went through my head as i was trying to decide whether i should take choc with us to the vet or leave him here in the enclosure that has been his home these last few weeks...i thought, "i'm gonna make it easy on myself this time."
the gods of chaos throw back their heads and hoot - high fives, all around.
when i returned with maggie 90 minutes later, choc was gone. gone. the gates were still latched. no sign of digging or climbing or alien invasion. no possible way he could escape, but...gone. about that time, the cat arrived with a peter rabbit consolation prize that max promptly chased into the water and that i wound up carrying around wrapped in a towel while i hiked through hip-high weeds, calling out for choc. i got some friends and scoured the surrounding fields and woods for the next two hours, bloody bunny in hand.
there were some trespassers, loitering with fishing poles, at the pond where my lot line meets the next. suspicious characters, all 3. they were on the other side of the fence, claiming they had permission from the absentee owner, confusing me with questions, creating diversions, unsettling my precarious balance. Something wasn't right but i was looking for a puppy, not weird, talkative property violators.
those good time guys, those crazy gods of chaos slap their knees and meade shoots out of their noses.
Back at the dog pen i finally decided there was reason to suspect those folks had choc so i jumped into the batmobile and skidded out of the batcave, headed for a confrontation. got there just in time to see them drive off up the hill, but not in time to get a license # or anything pertinent like that.
i had thought the bunny would die from its injuries but it was still with us, so i cried all the way to the vet again. somewhere in all this, i spoke to the folks at the shelter...the people who actually own choc...to report our loss. by the time i got home, there was an animal advocate APB out on him and on the 3 shifty folks who were nearby when he disappeared. we had a second round volunteer search party - this one made up of scrambly grandsons and their investigatively gifted mom. even they couldn't turn up a clue. my daughter's verdict was that "this is weird. it's just weird."
darkness fell. maggie would not leave the pen where last she saw her baby. she would not eat or make eye contact with me so i came back to the house alone except for the rottencockers, who are no help. the evening dragged on with phone calls, emails, on-line listings and updates. there was tomorrow's to-do list. then there was dragging onto the bed and sobbing...but there was no sleep.
"no rest for the wicked," they grin.
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