I was havin a little dry spell there...

unable to share my thoughts with you because i was pretty much unable to have any, past some complicated personal stuff.  and i can't promise i'll be back tomorrow but tonight, i thought i'd catch you up on doggie developments right after i say thanks for putting up with my ramblings about my mother and world peace.

the pups, raleigh and ember, have each been adopted by adoring families. corabelle, meantime, has been spayed and she came through the surgery just fine but she's having trouble adjusting to her babies being gone.  it's wrenching to see her continue to search for them.  the sound of coyote pups in the nearby woods set her off the other night and i'm still sweeping up pieces of the back door she shredded, trying to get outside.

i'll be honest, my first reaction to seeing the destruction, which also included several window screens and a variety of rugs, was to say "that's it.  i can't have this dog in my house."  i notified the shelter that i would have to either return her or take her to another foster home.  but after i burned out with whining and cussing, i had a think.  and what i thought was this:  i've taken away her babies.  she has no way of understanding why that happened.  she just knows they're gone and she's crazy with grief.

when you consider the stuff we do to the animals in our care, even when it's for their welfare, it's remarkable that they're able to forgive us.  i was focused on weaning the pups and making them available for adoption while they still had the advantage of being irresistibly adorable.  the fact is that the older they get, the harder it is to find them homes and here i was with all my personal issues cranking up and it felt increasingly important to find placements for raleigh and ember.  i was doing what i needed to do and trying not to think too much about the parts i couldn't change...like how it might feel to cora.

a while back i wrote about her being a good mom.  turns out, she was a much more dedicated mother than i gave her credit for being.  turns out, she loved her babies intensely and with her entire being and it hurts my heart to see how she's suffering.  so i'll get the doors fixed and the rugs cleaned and i'll keep cora with me for as long as it takes to find her the right home.  she really is a good, sweet dog and what's making her act so desperate is not who she is but what i've done to her.