i'm considering

and i'm deciding if i can continue my work at the shelter.

as the pace has picked up with more lookers, more adoptions, the system is faltering even as the volunteer numbers are slowly increasing and life for the dogs, in particular, is getting better.   i've been helping out, when things are really busy, showing animals, talking about their particular quirks and graces, taking them outside to spend time with prospective adoptors.  i'm not a particularly appealing hostess.  i'm usually dripping sweat and i always smell like some combination of wet dog and the stuff i shovel between walks.  but i know most of the dogs pretty well and i'm not shy about telling folks what they're getting into in terms of the adjustments and commitments they'll face.  i'll speak up if i don't think they're making a good choice for their particular circumstance.

a month ago, a woman came in to choose a dog.  she fell in love with a big, beautiful, energetic white hound.  she said she would be responsible for its care but that it would live with her elderly mother, as her companion.  you see the problem.  i was emphatically unsupportive and tried to steer her toward smaller, older, quieter choices but she would not be dissuaded.  yesterday the dog was rudely and unceremoniously returned...like it was her fault that she was too big, needed too much attention.

disturbing as that is, it's not the issue at hand.  i was just telling you about it to demonstrate what a hard-a i can be.  how incredibly effective.

what may drive me away is that i can't trust the system.  when i show animals i'm answering adoption questions and i'm repeating to folks what i've been told about how it works.  except recently it hasn't been working.  filling out an application on an animal is supposed to give you 48 hours to decide.  if you haven't paid the adoption fee or signed the contract within that time, you lose your place in line and if there's a second application, that one has 48 hours, and so on.  if it's a particularly appealing animal, there can be multiple apps in the back-up position.

so what's happening is that i'm showing animals and spending time with people and answering those questions and encouraging them, if they're serious but need to bring back a child or spouse or their household pet for approval, to go ahead and apply and take advantage of that 48 hour grace period.  and several times in the last couple weeks, those folks have returned to find that somebody's jumped the line and taken home the animal they'd expected was theirs.  there have been some grievously disappointed families...folks who returned within hours to cement their adoption or worse yet, went home and read about the adoption on line.

in each case, the explanation i was given couldn't hold water.  either some folks were being given priority or there's a sink hole in the process.  mistakes happen. i'm not one to expect perfection.  what's totally unacceptable is that when there was an opportunity to correct one of these errors, the decision was made to do nothing.  not even a delay, to assess the circumstances.

a friend of mine came in to see a particular kitten she'd looked at online and i happened to be there at the time so i got to introduce them.  it was love.  this particular little kitten was like an answered prayer for her.  she had no doubts about it but simply wanted to give her husband the courtesy of a phone call before she brought it home and he was mid-flight, somewhere over the atlantic. hers was the first application.  sad story short, as she was making the call and shopping for cat beds, someone else adopted the cat.  now here's the part that makes me angry.  the folks in charge knew what had happened before closing that evening and chose to do nothing about it.  they sent the cat, the next morning, to be spayed and declawed as per the agreement with the usurping owner.  good God.

my friend and i each made a separate appeal the next morning, for them to intervene before it was too late.  we were each denied with the boiler-plate line that there's nothing we can do because the other person had a signed contract.  the most they did was to call and ask if that happy shopper would give up her claim and nope.  she wouldn't.

i feel personally betrayed.  i feel personally responsible because i've unwittingly but repeatedly misrepresented the truth to people and caused them heartache and all i'm getting from the folks in charge is a shrugging apology.  oh, well.  so sorry but rules is rules.  except when they're not.

i don't know what to do.