Back to dogs.

Ember

when last we met, that i wasn't on some tear about my cell phone or my frustration with the fact that i've suddenly gotten old and still haven't done anything with my life, the pups were just learning to stand and walk, dragging their little tails on the floor for balance.  i meant to take piles of photos but of course i was pretty much too exhausted, what with all the energy that aging consumes. this is all i have:

Ember and Raleigh

Raleligh

Momdog Corabelle

perspective

socializing the puppies is on my agenda this week, so i've been taking them out on the lawn to meet the pack.  i've kept the interactions brief till now, partly because Corabelle gets very agitated when i take them and partly just to insure that each meeting is a positive one - getting them the heck outa there before max and ellie start to get jealous.  this was the first day i actually let one of them run around with us while the other stayed back with mom to keep her distracted.

Raleigh toddled along behind me, wagging his little tail, pausing as each of the pack came over to check him out.  pretty soon the rottencockers got bored and ran off but uber mom maggie was rapt.  she sniffed.  she licked the pup's head. nudged his belly with her nose.  then she lay down and used a curled paw to pull him toward her.  he obliged briefly before waddling away.  finally she dropped, belly up, legs spread, head back in an apparently irresistible invitation.  Raleigh climbed onto her neck, falling from side to side and struggling back.  he licked her mouth, bit her cheek.   eyes softly closed, she remained still.

i don't know if all mom dogs respond that way to random puppies.  i have my doubts, but maybe.  maggie's pups were adopted away back in June so perhaps her memories are fresh enough to influence her behavior toward these little ones.  but i think there's more to it than that.  i think that like people, dogs are individual and distinct.  some are born to run and play, to hunt or herd or protect. some are more people oriented and some just want to be with other dogs.  there are those born more needy and others, like our maggie, more nurturing. she was in a state of unmistakable bliss with a puppy flopping around, slobbering on her face.

when he got tired and refused to walk, i carried Raleigh back to the pen with Maggie close alongside, jumping up from time to time, touching noses with him. i understood she wanted him back.  from the depths of my heart, i understood.

Medicare looms

in my future.  oy.  i mean like this week, i officially become a crone.

that's not a bad thing, though from time to time when i'm surprised by my own reflection, it's a shocker.  man.  i look like i've taken a beating.  somehow, i'm never prepared for the reality.

so this is the big plateau.  the point in life where you look around and assess.
and i have to say, things haven't turned out like i expected.  i'm not a ballerina or a veterinarian.  i'm not happily married (or unhappily for that matter, thanks be to heaven).  i'm not zen.  i haven't achieved enlightenment or dedicated my life to a noble cause.  i've just muddled.  that feels disappointing.  but here's the thing...i have learned some stuff and it's mostly about values.  there's beauty in letting go of what i wanted, so that i can appreciate what i have.

i apparently will not change the world, save the wolves or the polar bears or democracy from some sad fate, no matter who's elected next.  what's playing out on the planet environmentally, economically and politically is an overwhelming drama that i can't fix.  i'm not indifferent or disconnected but even as i do the small things that i can to affect change, i'm not expecting that my answer is the only one or the most perfect choice or that any one other person has the combination of vision and power to correct our course.

Bill Gates recently sponsored a competition to find the next great innovation in toilet design.  that's kind of quirky, i thought.  but as i followed the story, i came to appreciate the implications.  you'd be surprised at the number of folks around the world working on the question of disposal and at the variety of their solutions. the innovations ranged from improved latrine systems to complicated sewage treatment models.  the big cash prize went to the solar powered electric toilet that cleans the water and composts waste.  perhaps the greatest thing about it is that if that design or some of the others can be made affordable, they could change things globally.  solve sanitation and health issues in disadvantaged countries as well as  right here at home, where we've yet to feel the full impact of a wide-spread, disastrous drought.

not any one person has the combination of vision and power to correct our global course.  there's no use dividing into tribes and warring against each other, passing the hot potato from hand to hand.  nobody wins when we're divided, wasting our energies on whose team will get the flag rather than on the real question, which is no longer how can we make life better but how can we sustain it, in the face of diminishing resources and crumbling economies, world wide.  we can't afford to waste any more time on the vanity of our own reflections.  what's called for is the letting go of ideologies for the sake of cooperation and mutual support around reasonable solutions to real life issues.  let's take care of all of us, not just some.

let's build a better toilet.

no cell phone...

it's been three full days without one and the experience has some things in common with going on retreat.  i'm not talking, texting and checking email through the day, though if you ask my awesome friends, they'd say i never do that, anyway.  i'm scolded, regularly and appropriately, for my response delays.

hermetic by nature, i also have a very high klutz quotient so verbal communication can get stressful.  it takes a lot of mental energy for me to make words come out of my mouth.  that's why i walk dogs.  they don't require a lot of talking.  that's why i write.  i can blurt all over the page and then take it back before anybody knows.

one time i got an owl stuck on my finger.  it's a long story but for my purposes here, i'll just say that first of all, i don't recommend it and secondly, that on the way to the hospital, bird on hand, i called the insurance company for permission to go to the ER.  that was 10 years ago and i could call them today and whoever answered the phone would ask, in a tone of voice i recognize from childhood, what is it this time?  they say to me, remember when you got the owl stuck on your finger?  like i could forget.  like, when are these people going to retire?

see?  right there's a call i sort of wish i'd never made...something i said that i'm wishing i never had...haunting me a decade later.

so it makes sense that i have a love/hate relationship with my cell phone.  the hate part plays out in the variety and frequency with which i regularly lose and destroy them.   i've slammed them in car doors, dropped and run over them and we all know they don't float.  i've found them in the freezer, the chicken shed and next to the melons at the grocery store.  i need a child-proof, inflatable phone on a stretchy cord.

or maybe i need a keeper.  someone to follow me around with my phone and my car keys and my glasses.  and my wallet.  but not my pen.

i never lose my pen.

awesome friends...

i got 'em.   not that i deserve them.

i'm reluctant to share something complimentary about myself.  you might think i'm gettin' the big head.  but i'm moved to do it because of what this says so eloquently about the gift of giving.

DogDays,

I'm happy to see you are sticking with the shelter .

I commented on you general glow at lunch last week .

It's still hard to pin point [ the glow ] , but it went deeper than  
your healthy tan .

There must be something that comes alive in all of us when we help  
others .

Some all healing alinement of  our very essence must happen that makes  
things right .

So right that even though everything  is not perfect it's still right .

Such is the power of helping all things great & small .

I think you clearly made the right choice .

Let your little light shine  let it shine  let it shine  let it  
shine  !!

S

Thank you, S, for this beautiful gift.